What She Doesnt Know

What She Doesn't Know

She knows almost all there is to know
from deepest depths of what is me
She knows my love for her is real
Unconditional, passionate, & free

But, what she doesn't know is,
That I'd walk for miles just to see her smiling face
That I'd spend my last dime just to send her a love note in the mail


What she doesn't know is,
That when I lay to rest at night, she is first and last in my prayers
That when I wake in the morning, it is her name that drifts to the front of my mind

What she doesn't know is,
That when I dream of forever, she and I are there holding hands
That when that song comes on the radio, it is her that floods the creases of my heart

What she doesn't know is,
That her pictures fill the rooms of my home, pages of my scrapbooks, and memories that I hold the most dear
That no matter how long between phone calls, I hear her voice ring in my ears so often that it feels as if an angel is singing to me always

What she doesn't know is,
That being near her makes my heart flutter in my chest, even after years of being the very best of friends
That I wake at night finding that I've called out her name again, and then cry myself back to sleep because she is not near

What she doesn't know is,
That I replay conversations we've had in my head over and over again just to feel her close to me
That I sit and watch my computer screen waiting for her to send me messages until the late hours of the night

What she doesn't know is,
That being a total goofball with her is the best part of being near her at times
That I look for ways to touch her as I pass by or sit close enough to her because her touch drives me wild

What she doesn't know is,
That no matter how many times I tell her that I love her, it never seems to be enough, because those words don't begin to cover my feelings for her
That every part of me yearns to be with every part of her in every possible way

What she doesn't know is,
That when faced with the thought of loosing what we have, I have been selfish to no ends
That when all my prayers have been answered, my heart breaks into a million tiny pieces

These are just some of the things,
That she doesn't know.

Chrissy Hanson -- September 13, 2008

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Have you ever been SO glad that something has happened in one way but TOTALLY devastated about it in a complete different way ? *sigh*

I feel so selfish for even having some of the thoughts I've had today. I should be the happiest person alive from the news I got today, but all I can think about is what I will be loosing because of this wonderful news.

Sometimes I wonder why God even takes a second glance at me.


blah blah blah

my life is such a mess

i hate being sick

I hate being depressed

i hate missing my parents

i hate even waking up in the mornings

why am I here ??